Back by popular demand.....LOL!

yup LOL!

Any good tree stories lately? 

I HATE TREES! The only good tree, is a dead tree!

Awww now come on, don't blame the trees for what the storm did. 
I agree it was an awful waste of your nice classic car. 
Insurance never wants to pay for old cars, or anything else for 
that matter. 

This boards most recent URL, 81.248.1.174 LOL!!! 

FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None -- It should be opened by the time she brings it.

-------------------------------

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? 
Because a
woman
who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be 
able to
support you.

-------------------------------

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to 
stand closer
to
the kitchen sink.

-------------------------------

How do you know when a woman is about to say Something smart?

When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

-------------------------------

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

-------------------------------

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling 
at the
front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

-------------------------------

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

-------------------------------

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

-------------------------------

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:

I don't like to interrupt her.

-------------------------------

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex 
drive by
90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

-------------------------------

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:

Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

-------------------------------

Our last fight was my fault:

My wife asked me, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"

-------------------------------

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

-------------------------------

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

-------------------------------

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo 
Drive and
said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."

She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

-------------------------------

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of 
Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

-------------------------------

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:

"Wife Wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing:

"You can have mine."

-------------------------------

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to 
forget it
once.

-------------------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the 
street
with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Trees hate you too ..
They secretly harbour an urge to smash your car up.
When hippies hug 'em they hate that too.
They're like WTF???? FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!
Trees try to arrange your death.
They're sick of you ..
True. They're rooted to the spot:
They can't haul ass after you and leave you majorly injured.
They want to anyway.
They silently scheme and hate your fucking guts!
That's trees.
They told me to tell ya.
*THE TIME IS NEARING WHEN THE ARMIES OF THE TREES WILL UNROOT 
THEMSELVES*
*THEY WILL DO THIS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WHEN EVERYONE IS 
SLEEPING*
*THEY WILL DRIFT DOWN ALL THE MAJOR HIGHWAYS - 1000's AND 1000's 
AND 1000's OF THEM.*
*THEY WILL HEAD FOR THE CARPARKS ..*
*THEY WILL SMASH ALL YOUR CARS TO PIECES!!!!*
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*

"Beware the ides of march" remember? so it seems to go, must be 
a bad time to start a war, or it denotes the reason by time. 
throughout history...........
_____________________________________________________________


Mikes truth is stronger than allies`fiction 

IT WAS not just the most brilliant Oscar acceptance speech ever 
given but the first Great Truth of the 21st Century.
"We live in fictitious times, where we have fictitious election 
results that elect a fictitious president.
"We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for 
fictitious reasons."
When Michael Moore delivered those words in March he outraged 
not just the scalpel-riven multi-millionaires in the Los Angeles 
audience but self-styled patriots on both sides of the Atlantic.

Our Boys are about to go to war, they said, and all this dirty 
commie bastard can do is abuse the freedoms they are ready to 
die for.
But their words simply backed up Moore's belief that we were 
choking in a smog of fabrication. Ask Rob Kelly, whose son 
Andrew was the youngest soldier killed in Iraq. Back then he 
believed the fiction was fact. Now he is incandescent over a 
young life laid down for a lie.

And now that the truth unravels, the smokescreen grows thicker. 
New fiction is produced to distract attention away from the 
fiction which killed, and still kills, so many.

Our government invents a row with the BBC to stop us finding out 
the true extent of their lies. We hear of dodgy dossiers and 
dubious intelligence aimed at kidding us we could be wiped out 
in 45 minutes.

Tony Blair shifts around like a cornered thief claiming it 
wasn't Weapons of Mass Destruction that threatened us after all, 
but Weapons of Mass Destruction Programmes. Programmes being 
more abstract, and thus easier to "find".

Meanwhile the poisonous concoction spreads around the world. 
Washington claims it was fed made-up British intelligence about 
Iraq obtaining uranium from Niger.

In Iraq Arnold Schwarzenegger, this brainless bastard, plugging 
his latest piece of celluloid fantasy, tells US troops that The 
Terminator is merely an invention but "you guys are the true 
terminators."

And as they whoop and holler, the families of 5,000 murdered 
Iraqi citizens still wail and holler over their loved ones, 
obscenely terminated for fictitious reasons. George Bush flies 
into Africa to establish a strategic foot-hold in the next great 
untapped oil-field.

He looks into a building where Alabama-bound slaves were once 
held in shackles, talks about our collective shame, yet fails to 
realise he is holding innocent men in shackles in Guantanamo Bay.

The most powerful man on Earth calls on all human beings to 
solve poverty in Africa, where half the people live on less than 
a dollar a day, yet fails to acknowledge he has just spent $40 
billion fighting a war for bogus reasons.

As for Tony Blair, he counts the days when he can slip out of 
the firing line and head with Cherie to Cliff Richard's Barbados 
mansion, where this merry band of Christians will no doubt hold 
hands and thank the Lord for their own world of peace and plenty.

Take a bow, Michael Moore. You were spot-on. And nobody realises 
that more than we British. How ironic that on the day the 
Foreign Affairs Committee released its non-findings on the great 
fictional war, Collins Dictionary declared that the 
word "bollocks" was now an acceptable part of our language.

It has been for many months, folks. Especially at the highest 
level.

I am not a tree! I am an ENT!

Only if you brought back souvenirs

How is it that you are always the first poster on here when the 
board gets refreshed?  I was trying to be first!  :)

He's just real lucky, I guess.. he he. just not with trees :) 

Mostly the trick is avoiding real work as much as possible and 
getting paid for it! Actually I spent much of the day e-
mailing "we're sorry" notes to customers and vendors in the wake 
of yet another giant screwup by the fearless president of the 
company. She was taken in by a virus hoax e-mailed to her from 
our western sales rep and he thought it was the real deal too. 
Both are idiots. So she goes ahead and deletes the suspect .exe 
file from everyones computer last night and e-mails ALL contacts 
even though three of us told the dumb b**ch this warning did not 
pass the smell test for a number of reasons. This is the hoax:

http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/HBMalCode.shtml#jdbgmgr

Ah yes.  I remember that one.  Some of my users fell for that 
one too AFTER I sent an email warning about it.  It amazes me 
how some people just read right over what you send them and then 
bitch about how they screwed up and why it wasn't prevented.  I 
always assign them with the ID-10-T error.  

From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Tue Jul 15 23:24:26 2003 
Message:
WHY WOULD I ATTEND A CANDLELIGHT VIGIL?

Because, you're as queer as a three dollar bill and thats the 
sort of thing you people gravitate towards. Come to OKC and I'll 
clean your fuckin clock, freak!


-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MAREEK 
Date: Wed Jul 16 00:13:29 2003 
Message:
YOU'LL CLEAN MY CLOCK? WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
I NEED MY CLOCK CLEANED......REALLY BAD!
BUT THE PROBLEM IS: I BELIEVE THAT OKIES STINK LIKE SHIT, AND I 
DON'T THINK I'D LIKE TO BE IN A PLACE THAT'S SO OFFENSIVE TO GOD 
THAT HE SENDS TORNADOS THERE ON A REGULAR BASIS, NOT TO MENTION 
THE EXPLODING BUILDINGS.
BUT IF I EVER DECIDE THAT I'D LIKE TO HANG AROUND A BUNCH OF 
HALF-WITS, AND WOMEN WHO FIND USING A WASHCLOTH TOO COMPLICATED, 
I'LL BE SURE TO LET YOU KNOW.

HAVE A GOOD ONE, YA HEAR?

From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Mon Jul 14 23:30:22 2003 
Message:
X: Ha! What can I say you sick son of a bitch! The closest you 
will ever get to my skirt______________________________________

I ASSURE YOU I DON'T WANT YOU, OR ANY DISGUSTING THING THAT 
MIGHT RESIDE IN OR AROUND YOUR SKIRT. 

From: 
To: Sad 
Date: Mon Jul 14 23:35:21 2003 
Message:
No nation comes screaming to america for help. 9 times out of 10 
its the u.s. butting its big ugly nose into someone elses 
business.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Marie 
To: 
Date: Tue Jul 15 00:01:23 2003 
Message:
Yeah ah huh, just tell that to Britain, France, Spain, Italy, 
Portugal, etc. etc. Where they would all be speaking German now 
if they hadnt SCREAMED for AMERICAN Help! Not to Mention, 
Canada, Hungary, Greece, Holland, Polland and the list goes on. 
Better study your history better moron!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Tue Jul 15 03:52:26 2003 
Message:
THE NAME OF THE COUNTRY IS POLAND. BETTER STUDY YOUR SPELLING 
BETTER MORON!
AND JUST TO SHOW HOW MUCH YOU KNOW YOUR HISTORY, ITALY WAS ON 
GERMANY'S SIDE IN WWII. SO I VERY MUCH DOUBT THAT THEY WERE 
SCREAMING FOR AMERICA TO HELP THEM! IDIOT!!!
DID YOU EVEN MAKE IT PAST THE 4TH GRADE? ROFL!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Wed Jul 16 10:12:28 2003 
Message:
Go back to school dweeb!!!
And Bite Me!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Wed Jul 16 10:14:00 2003 
Message:
What's Liberia doing right now? SCREAMING for the US to help 
them! Now say something else smartass and untrue!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Wed Jul 16 10:18:00 2003 
Message:
Since when did you become such a spell checker? What makes you 
so high and mighty?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 11:19:00 2003 
Message:
Yeah ah huh, just tell that to Britain, France, Spain, Italy, 
Portugal, etc. etc. Where they would all be speaking German now 
if they hadnt SCREAMED for AMERICAN Help! Not to Mention, 
Canada, Hungary, Greece, Holland, Polland and the list goes on. 
Better study your history better moron!__________________________

FUNNY THING.....I DON'T SEE LIBERIA MENTIONED IN THIS POST 
ANYWHERE. I AM VERY HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO CHANGE THE 
SUBJECT, BUT IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW 
WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. IT'S QUITE CLEAR AS TO WHO 
NEEDS TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL MARIE.....


-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
 
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 11:26:06 2003 
Message:
Since when did you become such a spell checker? What makes you 
so high and mighty?______________________________________________

SINCE WHEN DID IT MAKE SOMEONE "HIGH AND MIGHTY" TO KNOW HOW TO 
SPEAK AND SPELL IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE? FOR SOMEONE WHO 
SUPPOSEDLY CARES SO MUCH FOR AMERICA, YOU SURE HAVEN'T PROVEN 
THAT YOU CARED ENOUGH TO LEARN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, OR TO HAVE 
BOTHERED TO HAVE LEARNED MUCH ABOUT AMERICAN HISTORY, SINCE YOU 
SEEM TO BE HAPPY JUST TO MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO ALONG.



-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Wed Jul 16 11:26:24 2003 
Message:
I wasnt talking to you in the first place, and needing school 
for you is like needing a parachute. If it wasnt there the first 
time, chances are you won't be needing it again.


-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: ALL 
Date: Wed Jul 16 11:43:55 2003 
Message:
AS USUAL, MUDWUMP TRIES AS HARD AS HE CAN TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
LOL!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 11:45:48 2003 
Message:
OBVIOUSLY, ONCE AGAIN, YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT YOU'RE TALKING 
ABOUT! A MESSAGE ON A MESSAGE BOARD IS NOT A PRIVATE 
CONVERSATION....ANYONE CAN RESPOND. IT'S AMUSING THAT YOU TELL 
ME I'M STUPID, BUT YOU HAVE PROVEN COUNTLESS TIMES THAT YOU 
DON'T HAVE A CLUE AS TO WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Wed Jul 16 11:46:48 2003 
Message:
Ok smartass!!
----------------------------------------------

From: X 
To: MARIE 
Subject: DUMB AND DUMBERER 
Date: Mon Jul 14 23:46:18 2003 
Message:
_____________________________________

Dumberer?
Oh yes you have mastered the English Language! Check your own 
before you stick your foot in your mouth!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 12:12:44 2003 
Message:
THAT WAS IN REFERENCE TO A NEW MOVIE THAT WAS RECENTLY RELEASED.
IT WILL MOST PROBABLY BE IN OKLAHOMO'S THEATERS BY THE END OF 
THE YEAR.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 12:14:54 2003 
Message:
YOU DO HAVE THEATERS DOWN THERE......................DON'T YOU?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: Merlyn 
To: Marie 
Subject: LOL! 
Date: Wed Jul 16 12:16:34 2003 
Message:
Queen x is actually trying to cover up the fact that he can't 
type. He never uses the *shift* key LOL!!! Because he is a 
Maggot! LOL!! The fact he is WALTER is even more funny!! He 
cannot deny it as he has admitted it LOL!! What an idiot! 

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 12:17:53 2003 
Message:
I'M ASSUMING THAT NO ONE CAME DOWN THERE, AND BLEW THEM ALL UP.
IF YOU EVER DID HAVE THEM.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: X 
To: 
Date: Wed Jul 16 12:19:52 2003 
Message:
AS USUAL, MUDWUMP TRIES AS HARD AS HE CAN TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
LOL!!!

quit spamming fucker!  get a life!

What is Weapon of Mass destruction? Terrorism is the weapon of 
Mass destruction. So who ever is planning, harbouring, 
supporting these people are actually having these weapon. These 
weapon are innocent people infuence and being use by these 
terrorists leader to perform mass murder.

So I still agree with Bush and Blair and as I say sometime 
back. If it was a victory, we can see some improvement, now we 
see more arrest from the muslims world and these terrorists 
because of the arrest are turning themselves against their own 
religion. So you muslims out there. This is the best time to 
think where violence will lead your religion too. Again I say, 
religion is lead by you, your behaviour towards others not by 
force of violence.

Peace be with you all.

*THE TIME IS NEARING WHEN THE ARMIES OF THE TREES WILL UNROOT 
THEMSELVES*
*THEY WILL DO THIS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WHEN EVERYONE IS 
SLEEPING*
*THEY WILL DRIFT DOWN ALL THE MAJOR HIGHWAYS - 1000's AND 1000's 
AND 1000's OF THEM.*
*THEY WILL HEAD FOR THE CARPARKS ..*
*THEY WILL SMASH ALL YOUR CARS TO PIECES!!!!*
*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*

I think I pulled a figgin rib cage muscle. AND IT HURTS, LIKE H 
E L L! Thanks a lot, could be laid up for days, weeks even. LOL!

What is Weapon of Mass destruction? Terrorism is the weapon of 
Mass destruction. So who ever is planning, harbouring, 
supporting these people are actually having these weapon.________

THEN YOU MEAN THAT, SINCE THE U.S. HAS HARBOURED TERRORISTS 
WITHIN ITS BORDERS (THE SHAH OF IRAN), PLANNING ACTS OF 
TERRORISM (PLACING MINES IN NICARAGUAN WATERS), SUPPORTING ACTS 
OF TERRORISM (GIVING WEAPONS TO SADDAM IN THE 1980'S, USING THE 
CIA TO TRAIN OSAMA'S MEN, AND HELPING TO BUILD CAVES), YOU 
WOULD, OF COURSE SUPPORT U.N. OCCUPATION OF THE U.S.?
OR.....ARE YOU A BOLD-FACED HYPOCRITE, INTERESTED NOT IN FACTS, 
BUT IN TWISTING THE TRUTH TO FIT WHATEVER YOU HAPPEN TO BELIEVE 
THIS MONTH?

Michael Moore is a two bit, no-talent piece of shit. Anyone on 
this side of the pond with a brain knows that. Moore is typical 
of the Hollywood hypocrites who tell us all that guns are bad, 
then GLORIFY murder scenes in their movies with guns. Moore is 
loved by these Hollywood dumbshits for his hatred for the very 
country which gives him the right to speak his mind. He owes 
every person who fought for America a HUGE thans. Instead, just 
like the rest of the worthless fucks in Hollywood (Sarandon, 
Penn, Clooney, ad nauseam), Moore shows himself to be a 
sanctimonious, spoiled, stupid little brat who thinks that his 
country revolves around him. Small wonder that people here are 
getting so pissed about liberal actors and their worthless 
ideologies. By the way, if Moore is "spot on", as you stated, 
then how is it that he hates the wealthy in America when he 
HIMSELF is a millionaire? Liberals are the dumbest, most arrogant 
people around, and they're gonna get their assses kicked in the 
next election.  Fuck 'em all...    

                  

Clooney makes a movie in which him and a bunch of criminals go 
into Iraq after the Gulf War and rip off the Iraqis and kill 
them at will. Then five years later he is spouting utter 
bullshit at every opportunity, deploring any violence towards 
Iraq. Its all good and well if he's making his dime off of it 
though. Just so we're clear, is this the type of hypocritical 
B.S. we are discussing here? LOL!

**Michael Moore is a two bit, no-talent piece of shit.**

YES, HE IS ALL OF THAT!!! Wouldn't it be ironic if big Mike got 
offed by say a .44 Mag round right in the noggin? 'Cause lets 
face it, it would take a powerfull round to drop that fat beast.

I too am sick of the hollywood/music meglomaniacs bullhorning 
their political shit while 'on the job'.

Hi X thanks for enlightening me. On Iran and Iraq, I was too 
young to be interested in their politic during that time. All I 
know is that once Ayatollah komeini came, the whole situation 
in the muslims world change too. More muslim cleric begin to 
preach the staunch muslims relgions and that where a lot of the 
muslims community worldwide to organize and set terror to the 
non believers. You can see that we as the none believers would 
also visit place like Egypt, Turkey and even the middle if not 
for the Muslims terrorist problem. There are a lot of wonderful 
history in all these muslims countries, like Iraq, Iran and so 
on. Muslims should open their arms to welcome these non 
believers and let them see the beauty in Islam.

As for sponsoring Saddam and helping Osama, Yes they were 
fighting for a cause after all that is done, they want to grow 
further and start threatening others who do not believe in 
their movement.

You may think that I am a hyprocrite or whatever. For me is 
that I believe in my own judgement and choose which is right or 
wrong.

Anyway, if you read in my past post. You will know that I love 
peace and harmony among all people in the world and continue to 
pray for world peace.

Peace be with you.

LOL! Yes ! he is an IDIOT, true. Sadly so is the "terminator" 
LOL! I thought the resulting respose would be interesting. 

Now calm down!! Don't get all SPAMMY!! 

Yes, as we discussed shortly before the recent Iraq campaign, 
much about Iran, Ayatollah Komieni, and biological weapons of 
mass destruction. I am very concerned, as is X that the BUSH and 
early REGAN republican government has indeed been the reason for 
these WMD. I am growing sick of Bush, like never before. I pray 
we vote the sick bustard OUT! I am sick of the American public 
taking this pile of Bush crap, in this one point X and I agree 
(not much else LOL!) 
      To understand the Islamic problem, you must go much 
further back in history, and when you do you will see why it is 
a problem that will not go away, until reformation, as you often 
ask for from the Muslim.  

Twist the truth??? LOL!!!!!! !!!!! !!! !! !
ROTFLMAO
Don't be so damn hard on Facts Finder, after all you can always 
bitch at me LOL!!! !! !

Only if you brought back souvenirs
------------------------------------
Probably a few more grey hairs. I'm going to prepare for 
interview next week - new programming position in London. I am 
sane enough now to work. Plus money always comes in useful ... 
strangest, strangest thing that ...

All of your material greed, lust and power.
All of that is an illusion that holds you mesmerised.
Take your chances and blow a hole in the spiritual stratosphere 
in the middle of a field at night.
What is this hot air?

Hello! :)
Did you know that you are a fool that rages against your fellow 
man?
Look at me!
Listen to me!
Fuck this! I have a gun!
Now.
I don't care if you do.
You are dead so take your gun and play some Russian roulette 
with yourself!
That amuses the fuck out of me.
Which way do you want to go? :)
It would appear that I have the upperhand ..
You see it's pretty clear I'm off to heaven.
Yes it is true! :)
You think you are your own personal God?
Wrong again! :)
You wish to trample down God then trample yourself into Hell!
You wish to defile yourself before God then defile yourself into 
Hell!
You better pray that you have even the semblance of a Soul left 
attached to you!

So.
What are you going to do?
Your move!!
Lol!! :)

Hi Merlyn, hope everything fine with you and family. Honestly, 
I fine Bush has a very tough job after Sept 11. During that 
period when most American and people aroung the world would 
agree on Bush fighting whoever is responsible. Not now. People 
tend to forget what happen on Sept 11, Just look at our post 
here. The backdrop tell a story.

All I can say is the muslims world have to help us fight these 
radicals muslims organization before other mass innocent murder 
takes place anywhere in the world because of their stupid cause 
if they love manking.

As for Bush. Honestly I don't like his walking. He seems to be 
putting some air in his walking. I really would like to see how 
he was walking before he became the president. I prefer his 
father.

All the best to you.

Whoops! I have a child at home for summer break who shall not 
eat or drink near the keyboard again! Grrrrr! The keys are 
sticky.

Anyway, good to see you posting and hope everything is good with 
you and yours. I tried to get a little back and forth banter 
going with a Muslim whose bio says her occupation is a  "rock 
singer" from Singapore on another board with no luck. It was 
easy to tell she was thoroughly indocrinated and just 
typing/repeating what had been preached to her over and over. 
Sad.

Yeah, Bush is catching the hell now over every little detail of 
the decision to invade Iraq as is Toney Blair but I'll tell you 
what - it was still a good decision for many reasons in my 
opinion. But hell yeah, Bush has been getting a little "cocky" 
for some time now. Being self-assured and being reckless cocky 
are two completly different things. 

The next presidential election in the states should be 
interesting - like the last one was'nt? - LOL! It seems the 
democrats have a whole army of  candidates and potential 
candidates and never learn their lessons about party unity.

Just thought I'd chime in, take care and God bless.

I admit I get beyond pissed off about Hollywood. Merlyn, my 
apologies to you for cranking out venom. Hollywood really PISSES 
me off to no end. I'd kinda like to see Arnie become governor of 
California. Hey, if Jesse could get elected in Minnesota, well...
George Clooney (Goony?) making fum of Charlton Heston's 
alzheimers epitomizes "compassionate" liberalism as expressed by 
the Hollywood elite. Did you ever wonder how such elitists could 
ever spout their pro socialistic crap? Don't those stupid 
assholes in Hollywood/Beverly Hills know that they'd end up 
hurting themselves if they could have things their way? And 
Michael Moore. THAT worthless piece of elephant shit! I'd say a 
.44 automag oughta be just about right. Just don't let his fat 
body fall into the Pacific, or we'll all get drenched by the 
tsunami.       
            

Can I suck your dick, 'cos Im a country hick and I'm tired of 
fuckin' the peeegs in our farm. I ain't too bright but I sure 
can suck cock and squeel real loud when I get bummed! Come down 
to see me in Alabammy.

Yeah - right, like everyone in the US isn't a fat fuck like 
Michael Moore. You're all lardy-assed twats with fucken pea-
brains, hey but you got yourself a big gun don't there boy? 
Fucking idiots permanent fucking children, and grown men with 
gun obsessions (esp. calibre size....hmmm) tells a lot about the 
punyness of yank cock.

A clown act in congress?
Let us give Blair his presidential accolades!
And so we see a mock exhibition that leaves us divorced from 
their reality.
Utterly.
*A large hole opened up in the middle of the floor and engulfed 
the whole lot.*

I predict Governmental dissolution.
It has already happened.
Nice looking Westminster building ..
Goodbye! :)
Fleetingly we catch its sight from the corner of our eye as we 
bank sharply ......
Summer recess won't kill but none ..
Interesting facts.
Nice place in history for fools who took their beliefs on 
terrorism to include warfare against entire populaces.
Did you ever hear of anything so ridiculous?
No. :)

In an apparent suicide, Dr. Kelly the MoD advisor, *the source* -
 it would appear - has been discovered in a field.
But who committed the murder?
What a great motive we have here!
It is called *we will never know now whether he is or is not 
*the source**
Hell is a long, long way down to go ...
And that's where you're going.

Now you want news or you want news?
I thought I'd just report it for you.

The BBC had him hit. But, officially, he commited suicide by 
choking on a chicken bone.

Never fear British brothers. We will send over the D.C. police. 
They are, hands down, the best at mucking up just this type of 
investigation!

Okey dokey. Whatever.

LOL!! yes indeed the next election will be a real vulture 
festival, by the democrats. The closets of each candidate had 
best be free of skeletons LOL!! Mud will fly high and George 
Bush is about to be stripped to the bone about every step he has 
ever taken. Something about 45 Billion dollars, I think LOL!

Yes I found the self-imposed king of fiction Michael Moore, 
amusing and just another mouth full of disinformation, feeding 
on the tit of Hollywood.

pay no attention to the man behind the curtain   or what he is 
doing to his pecker

(Sweet Bone aAabama) or that he got the curtan stuck up his arse

SO FAR, GEORGE BUSH HAS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE OF WORTH AS AN 
OPPONENT IN THE NEXT ELECTION.......AND WILL WIN HANDS DOWN.
WITH A SECOND TERM, THE AMERICA WE KNEW AS A DEMOCRACY WILL BE 
GONE, AND WILL NOT RETURN.

Remember when his Daddy was in this very SAME position and 
CLINTON won??!! LOL!! Don't bet your last dime on THIS race LOL!
I would call you a pessimist, but hey, the Republics (each 
state) are not democracies anyway LOL! 

Let's discuss the night out at the opera.
You darling are bedazzling in your little blue number!
Your song resonates through the rarefied auditorium upon row 
after row of sodomised corpses or skeletons.
You should meet with your lie.
Do you know what that is you Hellbound creature?

Repent at leisure.
But your denial?
That will cost you some.
If you know what I mean ..
Personally I don't see anything beyond your failures.
There is no surer way into Hell than to continue your insults!
I'd say it is far far too late to start thinking about apologies 
for many of you ..
Many of you appear to be the sick end of a nightmare that wakes 
only into another ..
Which way do you want to go?
I have seen you and witnessed you and I know your crazed mania - 
your insane dream is simply this: *I am God!*
No.
You are not.
Or if you are God then what kind of God are you?
I could not even care if you are God!
So what does that make me?

My high-tech wizardry includes a world that we have referred to 
at its incarnation as *Xanadu*
But beyond that there is a physical Universe and the promise of 
travel that goes faster than Light!
Welcome to the future.
In this dream you will awaken and bounce off walls ..
Prior to this it would appear that we exorcise old Demons! :)

Hi i am Satan Christ, who would like to be living my life, a 
life that consists of the voices in my head transfered onto a 
message board, i for one happen to be busy right now listening 
carefully to the voices, they are of course speaking to me, snd 
if not, someone who dwells within me.

Hi seth , my son is named seth , he licks 
people...........................................................
.................................................................
.................................................................
.................................. ........... ..................
........................................  .......................
....................................   .  .     .................
.................................................................
.............................................in their houses.

Me or Seth, I dig Fat chicks, makes me want to stroke my meat, 
he he he, later , i will collect your soul on the next full moon.

SORRY I PRETENDED TO BE YOU, I AM A LONELY FAG, IF YOU DONT 
BELIEVE ME ASK MY PARTNER, HE IS SUCH A GOOD GUY, HE REALLY IS, 
YOU SHOULD MEET HIM, HOW ABOUT THAT WHITE KNIGHT?

I WILL banish you all to *HELL!* Let it happen.
Thy will be done. Goodbye. All are finished here.
Not so? HA!
Satan will eat your flesh and digest it.
*I will detonate a nuclear bomb today!
HAHAHAA! I win.....

Three hots and a cot.....I WIN!

We should inject the venom of the brown recluse spider into any 
Al Qaida terrorist we find into their testicles. Watching them 
suffer for a couple of weeks or so while they slowly rot away 
would be soothing after all the shit we've been through over 
these subhuman wastes. I'd appreciate your constructive criticism 
on the subject.       
                                         
                    

why don't you blow the venom into their testicles through their 
cock? that way you'll know that your mission is accomplished.

CONSTRUCTIVE criticism? OK. The Brown Recluse spider would not 
be a good choice if the intent is death. Their bite rarely kills 
anyone excepting the very young or the very old. I was bitten by 
one around ten years ago camping on a friends farm and got 
sicker than a dog, flu-like stuff, but recovered in a couple 
days. A collection of Black Widows released late at night in the 
area of the Gitmo prisoner barracks might get interesting and 
there are plenty of much more deadly venomous snakes, some 
common to Cuba which could do a damn fine job.

Then, there is always the option of making many small but deep 
incisions that bleed profusly so the scumbags can be trolled 
behind boats as shark bait. Now when I use minnows for Walleyes 
I prefer to hook the minnow thru the lips although some like 
hooking the minnow thru the tail or the back. I think Al Qaida 
would get the most hits being trolled head first (lip hooked), 
and like minnows they will stay lively longer that way thereby 
making them more of a natural meal for the sharks. Of coarse if 
a few choped up terrorists used as chum would be all the better.

I am glad you read it.
Shove it right up your cavernous ass and lose it in there 
forever!

Oh come on now!
Faster than light travel?
You've got to be joking.
Not in my fucking universe ever.
Go fuck yourselves you fraudulent little soulless shit.

You could also attach to them a couple of small fins at the 
appropriate angle so that they make for an attractive spinning 
lure.

We could have them watch some Madonna videos while they die, LOL!

Dr. David Kelly, 59, a microbiologist and bio-arms expert at the 
British Ministry of Defense, was in Baghdad in June and due to 
return to take up a position with the Iraq Survey Group, a 
Pentagon-led effort to take over the search for Saddam s weapons 
of mass destruction. 

The day after his body was found in a wooded area of 
Oxfordshire, the British press hauled the government over the 
coals: 

Daily Mirror: SPUN TO DEATH   Iraq expert driven to suicide 

The Sun: DEATH OF A MOLE 

Daily Mail: PROUD OF YOURSELVES? (over pictures of Campbell, 
Blair and Hoon) 

The Times: DAVID KELLY, VICTIM OF ANOTHER WAR? (Between 10 
Downing St. and BBC) 

The Independent: THE DEATH OF A CIVIL SERVANT, A CASUALTY OF WAR 

The Scotsman: SHADOW OF DEATH FALLS ON BLAIR 

Financial Times: WEAPONS EXPERT S DEATH FUELS IRAQ CRISIS. 
TRAGEDY JOLTS BLAIR BACK TO REALITY 

Fielding sharp media questions in Tokyo Saturday, British 
premier Tony Blair in the middle of a Far East tour, said he 
would only comment on the basis of facts found by the judicial 
inquiry commission he would set up headed by Lord Hutton. He 
turned his back on the questioner who asked: Have you got blood 
on your hands, prime minister? Will you resign?
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Blair is supposed to *resign* because a bio-weapons expert gets 
all distraught and slits his wrist after playing both sides of 
the fence and made to look like an ass for it? WTF?

Also - F*R*E*E K*O*B*E!!  F*R*E*E K*O*B*E!!  F*R*E*E K*O*B*E!!

There already is a freekobe.com sight hawking hats and teeshirts.
Guess ya missed the boat on the one X. lol. 

I watched a tape of Bryant's press conference with his wife 
staring at him with $$ twinkling in her eyes and as he spoke his 
mouth began doing the strangest gyrations in between words. He 
looked guilty as hell. Now we all will be subjected to yet 
another celebrity trial that will point out the huge difference 
in the way the justice system works for the rich 'n' famous as 
compared to the average work-a-day pissant. Unless, he pays the 
girl off and it all goes away but Im sure that has already been 
tried.

PAGING JOHNNY COCHRANE, PAGING JOHNNY COCHRANE!!
 

From: X 
To: MARIE 
Date: Wed Jul 16 14:02:23 2003 
Message:
Well Compaq is wasting a perfectly good paycheck every week!

NOT ONLY THAT, I AM ALSO ROBBING THEM BLIND! LOTTA HARD DRIVES 
MISSING LATELY...

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: 
To: 
Date: Wed Jul 16 15:45:06 2003 
Message:
...AND TOILET PAPER...TO WIPE THE EXCESS CRAP FROM MY LIPS WHEN 
I ATTEMPT TO SPEAK! LOL!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: 
To: 
Date: Thu Jul 17 17:56:52 2003 
Message:
...AND POCKET PROTECTORS...I NOW HAVE A LIFETIME SUPPLY!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
From: 
To: 
Date: Thu Jul 17 19:45:21 2003 
Message:
...ALSO PAPERCLIPS...I LIKE HOW THEY GIVE ME A BLOODY NOSE WHEN 
I PICK BOOGERS WITH THEM, LOL...THEN EVERYONE PAYS ATTENTION TO 
M E AND FEELS SORRY FOR M E, LOL!
_____________________________________________

                      THIEF

He turned his back on the questioner who asked: Have you got 
blood on your hands, prime minister? Will you resign?
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
-----------------------------------------------------------------
That was asked by Daily Mail reporter and he doesn't read that 
one.
It is perhaps back down to Earth with bit of a jolt.
Probably the pilot was joking whether to pitch the 'plane 
directly into the sea or to wait for land ..
Is it a resigning issue is not the Q. the evidence are those in 
his party hellbent to be rid of him.
It is inevitable IMO.

From: Marie 
To: X 
Date: Wed Jul 16 10:20:10 2003 
Message:
You MORON! That wasnt me up there! I never said I'd clean 
ANYTHING of yours, that would be sick! And more than likely 
uncleanable anyway. And what a genius you are coming from 
another tornado ridden state like Nebraska! Where they have 
obviously produced the biggest half-wit in the union. And as for 
stink, that's the way I would be able to tell if it was you 
lerking around the memorial, the stench! I never said a damn 
thing about meeting you (In that way), beating yes, but meeting 
(As to meet, get to know, etc. NEVER) NO! And I know you want to 
meet Merlyn, your obsession with him is pathetic, and odd!! Try 
to get close to some water today, oh wait!@#$#@! your to busy on 
here! Well I'm sure if you quit hiding it, the asylum furnishes 
soap, then again you could alway's brake into your stash.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------

From: X 
To: MARIE 
Subject: DUMB AND DUMBERER 
Date: Mon Jul 14 23:46:18 2003 
Message:
DON'T YOU HAVE SOME CANDLELIGHT VIGIL TO ATTEND AT THE FEDERAL 
BUILDING OR SOMETHING?

I was thinking of doing *Mad Scientist Night* but I decided to 
have pity on you. :)
So do you remember when you died?
As always we had you murdered.
If you awoke from your crazy dream you would realise that you 
have been living all this time in a false reality of your mind's 
own creation.
Repeat after me:
*YOU ARE DEAD!*
Good! :)
I'm fucking glad!
Now we can move on ..

YOU NEED TO BE IMPRISONED OR HOSPITALIZED

You need to be destroyed!
I think that fucknuts like you should be pulverised!
In fact fucker!
I can guarantee personally that You are right off to Hell!
I have smashed your individuality into pieces.
I invoke whatever I feel necessary to break you to smithereens.
You are completely in a living Hell!
Burn in there forever ..
By the way, forever is a long time.
And there is no one who is goin fishin you out.
So burn and suffer and suffer and suffer and suffer and be so 
fucked into Hell that you will forever cry in pain and forever 
renounce anyone or anything that could possibly do other than 
pose themselves as an affront and a lie and an evil fuck that 
will be destroyed permanently!
Now take your HIV ridden ass and your evil disease and rot with 
its knowledge forever!
You disgust me!
You are an absolute abomination!
Rot in Hell.
Your choice fucker.

So you should be able to see that a fuck like you is shit!
Lol!! Fuck you into Hell you Shit!!
Lol!!
Fuck you!
Lol!!
You are the excrement of a fucking gnat!
Lol!!

It is true.
You are dead now.
Your twisted fuck mind has finally realised the fact of your 
Death!
You sick fuck will cease to exist.
This is soon.
Lol!!

Hey CRYPT KEEPER!
Post back so I can check you don't exist.

Fame?
I'll show you fame ..
Chew on it!
You dumb fucks exist on a planet?
You simply cannot come back from the fact of your insults.
Shove it right up your ass forever!
Go to Hell!
I don't shift in my opinion.
So I don't care!
You are one severely fucked up piece of shit!

Behold my ugliness!
That is the funniest line in the English language ever!
Lol!!

Jesus is coming! :)
(I really mean that smilie too .. hope it gladdens your heart!)

You fuckers are one fucking disappointment too!
I hate your fucking guts!
Are you aware of what you have done you fucks??
Well I have carved it into Stone for ya's!!!*'+)@[]}
Lol!! You fucks don't knows the meaning of fucking HUMAN 
EVOLUTION!!!
To think you would threaten ME??
You fucking assholes can just fuck off and I really fucking mean 
that!
I REALLY am sick to Death of your sick sick behaviour!
Enough is enough!
I gave you a chance and you just figured it fit to squander it 
and fuck with it.
Rot in Hell!

Brr! My nuts is fucked!
Lol!
*You are a noise disturbance you garbage that I am shoveling 
into Hell!*
To think that you would dare leave me like that!
I mean, did you ever consider how wrong that was and  how you 
are just non existent as a consequence?
I guess not.
I simply cannot believe that you have chosen this destruction.
You fuckers deserve every  single bit of suffering you get.#
In wish you on it one thousand fold and I wish on you no 
recompense and I will declare  it to be true!
I give you chance but you squander now fuck off with it .. !!

Why don't you just get used to the idea that I am completely and 
utterly superior to you?
I just cannot believe your sick fucking reaction!
You are the sickest fucks in the universe ever!
That is sacrilege.
You live with it. Fuckers!

Jesus is someone that you should spit at and deprive.
He is a man that has no part of your existence.
Jesus is shit.
You think that.
You think that.
Jesus loves you!
Oh yeah baby!
He is so full of Love for you!
Go straight to Hell.

The Truth?
This is eternal.
You are scum - read this f orever and forever and f orever!
To think that you would do this to me ...
You will NEVER get over it!
I recorded it for you.
Yo u fucking bastards ain't worth sh it to me.
Do you know that you are so  alienated from God that God does 
not exist?
Or if He exists then He is your ego-nightmare just waiting to 
happen and that you wish to deny ... I mean! If that is not one 
fucking sick sick fucking insult you fucks, then what is?

I declare you dead and your sick fucking minds and bodies put 
out of action forevermore!
You sick fucks I am going to fuck with ..
Go on!
Post sick fuck so I can smash your soul to several million 
pieces!
Do it you fuck-NUT!!!
Do it, you depraved fuck!
I wanna fuck you up!!!
You fuck!!

^eah rite! Hl I don't tnink so! Lol! I am lir Y R fucker!

fuck me up seth

Yeah right!
Just go to sleep.
Is best thing..
If you smart you try to sleep!
I give you good advice.
The events that are coming are momentous.
Jesus is coming!
It is true!

I will  tell you this .. 
Go ahead and deny th e Truth!"
You know that when you look on me - well you know!
I'm not happy with the state of things!
How can you lea ve me like that?
I just think over and over how you have chosen to disregard me.
Have you any idea of my pain?
Have you even an in kling?
That is so very wrong - you know it yet you seek to further 
crucify me!!
Why?? I just don't understand why you would hate me so and why 
you would want to destroy me! 
In fact I know the answer - I am God!
Yes. You are!
Congratulations!
Here's a million quid! 
See? With this money I can buy any whore I want!
You want the real absolute Truth then I will tell you ..
I don't care!
I am just a tired old man who has nowhere to go ..
Enchant me why don't you?
Why don't you want to give pleasure and recognition to that old 
man?
I will tell you why ..
In Truth you will go deeper into Hell but hey! That is your idea 
of fun!

Talk about exclusive!
Goodnight now you FUCKERS!!!
LOL!!!

Goodnight you drunken spam-fuck. Ever heard of a pub/bar? Give 
the porcelin God a big wet smooch in the mornin'. LOL!

http://www.soccerhooligan.com/

LOL!! burp! Its no wonder some Brits have their snouts in the 
clouds, I mean, just take a look at THIS highly educated bunch. 
Or this:

http://www.soccerhooligan.com/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?
ubb=get_topic&f=11&t=063295&p=3

Ya know lol..half the time no,one responds, but you do know 
that we are shaking our heads thinking, "He needs some form of 
medical treatment, and/or a good shot of whiskey"!  

Ya know lol..half the time no,one responds, but you do know 
that we are shaking our heads thinking, "He needs some form of 
medical treatment, and/or a good shot of whiskey"!  
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Honey, I'm just plastering the board for my own selfish reasons. 
I don't care who responds or how or if.
However, a reply of intelligence is usually preferred though it 
is sometimes amusing to laugh at somone's idiocy.

Goodnight you drunken spam-fuck. Ever heard of a pub/bar? Give 
the porcelin God a big wet smooch in the mornin'. LOL!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yes it is the worst shit in the world .. EVER!!! LOL!

http://www.soccerhooligan.com/

LOL!! burp! Its no wonder some Brits have their snouts in the 
clouds, I mean, just take a look at THIS highly educated bunch. 
Or this:

http://www.soccerhooligan.com/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?
ubb=get_topic&f=11&t=063295&p=3
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I do not associate myself in any way with anyone or anything 
describable as *Brits* excepting in the case of a money exchange 
for example during an act of trade at a local supermarket. I 
hope those fuckers just puke on it!

Hands up!
I'm Holy!
Gimme all your money! Lol!
I've gone out to get more alcohol:
Christ I need it.
Now I'm back in the shithole where I live.
In my crazed amoral universe I carved my way again through the 
crowd ..
Later on I again get paid my respects from a few famous 
personnages.
Naturally I ignore them.
See what I mean?
I am famous for sort of ..
Doing nothing.
And it doesn't pay well.
Why go to the West End when you can bring 'em all down here to 
bleedin' Croydon?
I am mad yet not mad.
Everyone around me is probably saner than I am.
A chill wind of Hell blows over the set pieces which don't work 
properly.
This message board is evil.
Bye! Bye!

I want to feed you the jelly in my spunk, what do you say?

jimbo's mum has got scabies on her cunt again, she's given it 
to my fucken dog the robbin scouse bitch. It was funny making 
his sister eat that turd last night though when she was out of 
it, she's got brown teeth anyway

I want to feed you the jelly in my spunk, what do you say?
__________________________________________________

I'd say it's time for you to cut back on your jelly consumption 
and stop trying to "sex-up" message boards before you end up 
face down in nature's beauty, unable to enjoy it. Piss off now, 
go on, piss off little girl. Go bake a pie or something.

Tonight I hung out in a cemetery and concluded I was the Holy 
Ghost.
Therefore I am suffering the traditional penance and torture of 
a ghost forced to walk the foul earth for my sins ..
It is a logical conclusion that makes the best sense of all when 
properly considered and in the appropriate context.
I would therefore strongly advise you to consider the 
possibility of your non-existence.
In reality it is also perfectly possible that you are torturing 
Demons.
The other spiritual & material consequences are presently 
unknown ..
It gives a whole new meaning to *resurrection of the dead*
Sorry about all this but it has been carefully considered and 
would appear to have every likelihood to be true.
Amen.
Fuck off with it!

As an initiate and ex-member of Sukyo Mahikari, kindly come 
along and lynch me.
LOL!!

Maybe I should go along there and bust their spiritual asses.
Leave 'em shaken and disturbed.
What exactly the fuck was ..... THAT??????
Lol!

1998: 
 The famous psychic Edgar Cayce predicted that a secret, 
underground chamber would be discovered between the paws of the 
Great Sphinx. Inside, there will be documents revealing the 
history of Atlantis. This revelation will trigger the Second 
Coming of Christ. This prediction is rather interesting, because 
two independent studies have revealed that there is in fact an 
underground structure just where Cayce said it would be!
 ----------------------------------------------------------------
Have a good sit between in 1975.
Hell we even have the photographic evidence!

I distinctly remember years later how the sphinx like a large 
insect took flight and buzzed angrily around!

This here being Atlantis ..
One! Two! Three!
Technological civilization.
You're sitting on it buddy!

Sukyo Mahikari? A terroristic cult? They did the Tokyo subway 
murders. A bad outfit to be involved with there for sure.

I wonder if David Kelly's (sp?) death will pay dividends for his 
religion? Bah '  is definatly not a well known religion here in 
the states and people are constantly on the search for the 
ultimate answer. It's their fifteen minutes of fame perhaps.

"The world is in greatest need of international peace. Until it 
is established, mankind will not attain composure and 
tranquility.  It is necessary that the nations and governments 
organize an international tribunal to which all their disputes 
and differences shall be referred.  The decision of that 
tribunal shall be final." (Abdu'l-Bah , Promulgation of 
Universal Peace, Bah '  Publishing Trust, 1982, p. 301.)

ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT THE u.n.? BWHAHAAAHAA!! YEAH, thats 
workin'!!

hi miracle

*Satan* is coming!
Sorry!
That should have read *Jesus*.
Lol!
Here is your pocket-money *Jesus*
Gee thanks darlings!
My opinion is that you all fucked yourselves so deeply into Hell 
over that one that you better Pray.
Keep fucking yourselves down!
DOwn! Down! Down! Down! ..
Oopsie! I'm a cheap no good fuck-job that is gonna fuckin burn 
for that ..
I chucked you all up on your respective cruxifixes tonight.
I'd be damned if I would ever be drawn to pull you off 'em still 
alive ..
I've fucked you into Hell for your sins and now you ain't comin' 
outta it!
It is so very easy to send you to Hell.
I've done it.
Now let's laugh at you as you miserably attempt to pull 
yourselves outta it!
All by yourself.
The tragedy is that it was entirely preventable yet you never 
heeded my word!
And yet you would so persist as to not exist ..
Well I ask you!
You are nothing.
You have no God.
You have no soul.
You are the Devil.
You are destroyed.
That means you!
You fucking bastards around me that torment me!
That is sick sick shit that you exercise!
How far down do ya wanna go?
You do realise that there is NO mission now?
It was the obvious conclusion in the End ..
Nothing.
You want to know why?
I think it relates to getting a little robbed I dunno ..
I can heal you but I never will.
I could write you out Spiritual precepts but I never will.
You really believe in your sick backstabbing fucked forever into 
Hell non-existing heart that I could ever possibly have reserved 
a piece of Heaven for you?
Testosterone-ridden males.
Fuck 'em!
And fuck 'em good!
And fuck 'em so that arises the spawn of fuckin' Satan!
You sick fucks!
And to think that you would dare to even address me in second 
person!

Okay. I was in Sukyo Mahikari from 1989 - 1991 approx.
The truth? I am unhypnotisable. Never read their *Bible*
The 3-day initiation had mostly lectures and some things said 
were of genuine spiritual truth and use.
Did Geneva - Paris - London - Gone!
I just left - I am a very decisive person.
I don't agree with talismans.
In 1988 I was a born again Christian ..
Or at least I think I was?
Anyway, I used to hang out with those crazy Christians too ..
When I got born again the charismatic minister bought me dinner 
in McDonalds.
It was kinda fun goin' along to the Billy Graham world wide 
thing ... whatever the fuck it was .. in Grand Sacconnex.
Goddamn it the world is a mess and peoples' beliefs are AWOL!

ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT THE u.n.? BWHAHAAAHAA!! YEAH, thats 
workin'!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I was in Geneva again in December last.
You should see all the security around U.N.
Also, I went by American mission and now that place was just 
gnarled with barbed wire - bigtime!!
I used to know some of the marines who guarded there.
I expect they have all moved on.
Did several embassies along by lake in friend's car ..
Naturally I was forced to digest red light zone all over 
goddamning again!
Mind you, if they were Russian males as purported well Hell I 
would fuck 'em!!
I believe that we ended up in a carwash ... :)
I should probably hit Geneva again soon ..

Bahai was David's religion. EEEEEK! The letters dissappeared 
from the first post...magically! Heading now to the tin-foil 
lined room I have constructed for just such an emergency. OH 
SHIT! The shiny side should be out, I fucked up - no wonder I 
bought that stupid fuckin strobe light!

S  L  O  W   M  O  T  I  O  N.

Way cool! The walls are MELTING!

Yeah well you post regularly here and you are smart and 
receptive so here it is ..
There seems to be a large number of people around where I live 
who are convinced that I am the new Messiah.
This is a non-issue with me but it would seem to be kinda fucked 
up that I had some kind of insanity issue in February that I am 
still getting over and that even at that time they are sayin' 
that shit ..
It is not pleasant in the least and my finances are fucked when 
I should really be at the height of my earning power as a 
computer programmer.
I have a major issue with rich people calling me Jesus.
Don't you see that it is the most fucked up sick shit thing to 
do - whether or not there is any Truth in it?
*Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! 
Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! 
Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! * 
*HERE'S YOUR FUCKING MONEY JESUS!!!*
*WE FUCKING LOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE YOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!*
Fuckers.

Bahai was David's religion. EEEEEK! The letters dissappeared 
from the first post...magically! Heading now to the tin-foil 
lined room I have constructed for just such an emergency. OH 
SHIT! The shiny side should be out, I fucked up - no wonder I 
bought that stupid fuckin strobe light!

S  L  O  W   M  O  T  I  O  N.

Way cool! The walls are MELTING!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Um, you should take thorazine.
Thorazine bring you down ..
If you think that sound nasty take heroin!
Heroin bring you down ..

Yeah, I was earning pretty good money in the West End till 
February.
Now to think that I am signing on with people calling me Christ!
I don't care if it is true.
I can't do anything for those people and I have a hard time even 
helping myself.
That is just so ill!
Do you see why I am not well?
I cannot ever get over that.
It's the most mean-spirited fucked up trip into HELL!!!

Well, I can certainly understand going through hard times, 
financially or otherwise. As much as I absolultly hate the 
saying; been there, done that. That saying ranks right up there 
with people who constantly do the "  " thing with their fingers.

I still fail to see why people on the street would automaticly 
refer to you as Jesus. There was a website a couple years back 
called Jesus.com or some such thing and the guy really did look 
like the images of Jesus we are all familiar with. He was 
charging $20 to take a shower with Jesus, lol! This may be your 
answer, on several levels! LOL!

Who wants to be the FIRST to shower with Jesus? Come on. Don't 
be shy, step right up and bathe with the Messiah! Remember, 
cleanliness is next to godliness!

Twenty extra points, redeemable in heaven, for washing the 
prophets little piggies! Who'll be the first? X? Shitball?

serious mental problems-------get some help------or a job----

Who wants to be the FIRST to shower with Jesus?__________________

C'MON NOW, ASK ME IN PERSON....."YOU" KNOW WHERE I LIVE, DON'T 
YOU?

I still fail to see why people on the street would automaticly 
refer to you as Jesus.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
There is a presence connected to me.
Other people are aware of it.
It is also how I look - people must think it is *Christlike*
I look and move mesmerically - yet I am as poor as fuck with a 
host of material problems.
How many people have made indications like this to me?
Hordes.
You try going round a supermarket like that!
They say things like *you are just about to become incredibly 
famous*
They've been saying this for months ..
It's just the sickest shit!
By the way, thanks for the restaurant invite!
I mean they can just fuck off into Hell forever.
It's the sickest shit I ever possibly COULD perceive of and a 
fucking living fucking nightmare!

He was 
charging $20 to take a shower with Jesus, lol! This may be your 
answer, on several levels! LOL!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I know what you mean. The problem is that *JESUS CHRIST 
RETURNED* simply does NOT work in this world. People seem to 
think it though with the singlest most unappropriate reactions 
conceivable. My last job I was forced out for reasons similiar 
to that. You can't help but think the same shit is gonna happen 
at your next job .. The moment you stick up a sign like *shower 
with Jesus* then I know that all of a sudden a denying element 
creeps in and those people suddenly SWITCH OFF to the idea that 
I am Jesus. You see, this involves MONEY. It is the culprit - 
MONEY!! Those people believe and yet do not believe, but you can 
bet your bottom dollar that when it involves FUCKING MONEY then 
I will be denied. Now like I said I don't give a rat's ass if I 
am Christ - and if I am I definitely DO NOT want the job because 
it would seem to involve crap finances with shit-for-brains 
people declaring me this and that. In all their dreams and all 
their hopes and in all their fantasies then I am JESUS CHRIST. 
It involves MONEY? No. I could die in the fucking gutter. Fuck 
them to Hell! It actually does make me see things from a sort of 
Christlike perspective and it is nasty, nasty shit! One thing is 
for sure - I am now completely turned off to the idea of ever 
helping people do anything. I fucking hate them for doing that! 
It's just the sickest shit that people can come up to me and 
declare that *now they know God exists* or some shit like that 
and just fucking trundling off. Trundle yourselves right into 
Hell! That is sick sick shit.  

Who wants to be the FIRST to shower with Jesus?__________________

C'MON NOW, ASK ME IN PERSON....."YOU" KNOW WHERE I LIVE, DON'T 
YOU?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
20 bucks? Isn't that a bit steep? I think Jesus should be 
offering that kind of service for free - don't you?

Who wants to be the FIRST to shower with Jesus?__________________

C'MON NOW, ASK ME IN PERSON....."YOU" KNOW WHERE I LIVE, DON'T 
YOU?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry!
My mistake.
I should be paying YOU!
Lol!

*You are just on the verge of becoming incredibly famous.*
- I've been hearing that one for months. I know now that I am 
but the payrate stinks.
*That man is incredibly powerful*
- Yes I am. That is why I am wandering around unemployed trying 
to budget my food/alcohol purchases.
*You are incredibly precious to us.*
- 24 carat Gold! Fuck you too!
etc. etc. etc.
**** SICK! SICK! SICK! SICK! ****

For Pete's sake Jesus, grow up and act your age!

For Pete's sake Jesus, grow up and act your age!
------------------------------------------------
Okay. I will drop 1 pence in the carpark of my choice out of say 
20. It will then be your job to find and identify the correct 
one. In these proceedings you may also find that you come across 
5 pence too. The probabilities are AGAINST finding change of 
different amount ..

Sound good?

http://members.aol.com/matt999h/beer.htm
Don't forget to drink your beer!! 

Yeah apparantly red wine is amongst the most beneficial to 
health. Studies indicate that it most benefit men over age of 
35. It is *binge* drinking which is harmful because body is not 
used to large amounts all at same time. If you're used to 
alcohol you can just plug it down every night with no 
detrimental effect. However, large quantities daily will take 
toll when also measured against poor diet etc. Also, vitamin B6 
is useful as antidote PRIOR to consumption.

Hmmm, that gives me an idea ..
If I could turn water into wine then I could ply an honest trade 
with that .. 

Actually I couldn't. They'd think that unlicensed manufacture is 
illegal and lock me up. All bets are off on that one.

Daily consumption of alcohol is normal, or indeed we would not 
have evolved with a liver. Many foods have alcoholic content, 
mostly fruits as they decompose into wine. But as we know the 
incredibly ignorant media hype would like to contend an array of 
inconceivable inconsistencies. Stress kills; alcohol is the 
number one relief of stress. So now you see why the Muslim and 
his Hippocratic self-denial is in fact in direct conflict with 
his very own anatomy. LOL! Water (a few glasses) is in fact the 
best thing to drink after a binge, stopping dehydration and the 
resulting hangover. 

So I'm just back from another alcohol gathering exercise.
Is there any heart-gladdening thing to report?
Well at the supermarket they seemed to believe I should be given 
the guided tour ..
For what?????
I don't think I should be specially privileged by whom these 
people seem to think I am.
To prove it: read my drunken confessional up here.
Still I suppose there is a recording here.

On Sunday, during the course of the day, I managed to hit a 
summer time record. I started with;
Michelob, 
Orange vodka,
Hobgoblin beer,
Scarecrow lager,
Michaels red amber,
and finished off the day with Jack Daniels. 
Now that's what I call a day off! That and the 220 miles I rode 
on my Harley across the state during a poker run.

Yeah well I suppose it depends on the quantities but that is 
quite a jolly mixture. I stick to bottled lagers mostly and I 
drink pretty late at night only and post my insanities up here! 
Lol!! I am sure I drink too much right now but in perspective 
have only really been *drinking* for the past seven years about 
and don't ever do drugs! Also, I gave up cigarettes a completely 
a few months back. I know that was successful and that complete 
abstinence was required.

I have MANY days off! My life is a fucking holiday in retrospect.

Right now I have got absolutely hordes of people around who seem 
quite convinced that you can drop the *Satan* for *Jesus*. In 
fact, I am quite surprised: I would have expected more responses 
along the Antichrist style but this did not ever seem to happen.

Across the board the reactions are clearly individual. I think 
that a lot of people if they think I am that are grappling with 
their thoughts. As I expected prior, once a few people seemed to 
believe this shit then pretty soon enough we have an en masse 
response.

To me I have consolidated all this as simply an insane world. It 
is not particularly easy to stay sane in a world where I am 
collecting benefit for now and yet at the same time I am 
*immensely powerful* or whatever the fuck that was they saw 
fitting to attribute to me. Yet I am definitely improving from 
sanity's perspective - because whether the world is insane or 
not - I SIMPLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK!!! - AND THAT PROBABLY IN MORE 
WAYS THAN ONE!!

If such a thing had any validity and you look at it from a 
historical perspective then those people would be considered a 
laughing stock and deniers. My opinion is that they are just 
hanging onto some vain hope I might be something like that in 
order to alleviate their lousy existence. However, *a Christ 
signing on* I mean spare us the embarrassment! Myself? I no 
longer give a fuck - money is simply a figure on a computer 
screen and I could drum some up soon enough if I had to.

Let's get to the crux of this: I certainly do seem to have some 
kind of force attached to me. However, it just hangs around and 
never really does anything. In other words - unless we get the 
*water to wine* then fuck the whole thing to Hell! I've always 
thought this - it is so completely pointless being some fucking 
guru or some supposed authority without some absolute proof of 
God. So I say that I either serve that kind of shit up or fuck 
the whole thing into the fucking ground as my fucking life is 
already! Lol!!

Also, you could do that - and they wouldn't pay you a dime for 
that EITHER!!! LOL!!!
I guess though you get to drink the wine ..
Miserable fuckers!
I really fucking mean that too.

It is just the sickest fucking shit in the world ... EVER!!

Okay. I will count to three ...
After that you will write me out the check/cheque.
Here is your check/cheque!! :)
Here is your wine/whine!
Fuck you too!

Here is your atom bomb!
And three hots alone in a cot!
It went ...... BANG!!!!
Good! They is dead!

Goodnight FUCKERS!
Remember. If you die in your sleep it's a good way to go now!
Lol!!
You FUCKERS!!

I will not die in my sleep, and if I do I will rot into a 
stinking corpse, as I am alone, mostly because I am ONE WEIRED 
BLOODY BLOKE, but mainly because I have a bad habit of digging 
in my ass and then smelling my stink finger. 

I WOULD LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FINGER, AND SUCK YOUR 
SAUSAGE, I DO KNOW HOW TO SPAM AND SLAM DONT I , !!!!!

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,,,.....yeeeeeaaaaaa. sowhat?

I lost a relative in the concentration camp during WW2.

Send you money to the jews, and you will not die a coward.

I was once a general

gydsy0pod2ldkdioduduy3e38383836365353092=2
\2
]2o32uduydfju20di89327377^%$

You best off beware the hellstorm headed you way.

Ha! No kidding! When Bush said "Whoever wears the uniform get 
ready" he meant that one didnt he? We are all over the damn 
place!! 

Does anyone happen to know how to get a hornet stinger out of 
your foot when you cant see it?

Saw your fuckin foot off and shove the bloody stump up your ass. 
That should do the trick.

Please I'm serious! lol! Why are you so obsessed with things 
going into peoples asses! Are you gay?

I dreamt you were the Prime Minister of Argentina.
*DISCLAIMER: I am of course completely mad!*

Hornet stinger (as in they only have one located on their ass) 
would have your foot swollen the size of a softball. And you 
would be hard pressed to find it as they don't normally fall off 
like a yellow jacket or other bees. But if what you have is a 
yellow Jacket stinger, you would need to cut or dig it out. 
Cutting your foot off is the way a Muslim might do it, and as 
for shoving it in places; would be only for certan idiots known 
to lurk under other peoples names on this board. LOL!!! !!! !!! 

Does anyone happen to know how to get a hornet stinger out of 
your foot when you cant see it?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Just leave it in there.
Scream *FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!*
That way you're so bent you don't give a damn in the 1st place 
how you get STUNG!!!
Hopefully there is a sort of karmic reaction which fucks the 
hornet into a fucking ice molecule forever!

I WOULD LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FINGER, AND SUCK YOUR 
SAUSAGE, I DO KNOW HOW TO SPAM AND SLAM DONT I , !!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah well I don't wanna hang out with you.
I am perfectly happy you type what the Hell you want up here 
though.

Hornet stinger (as in they only have one located on their ass) 
would have your foot swollen the size of a softball. And you 
would be hard pressed to find it as they don't normally fall off 
like a yellow jacket or other bees. But if what you have is a 
yellow Jacket stinger, you would need to cut or dig it out. 
Cutting your foot off is the way a Muslim might do it, and as 
for shoving it in places; would be only for certan idiots known 
to lurk under other peoples names on this board. LOL!!! !!! !!!
_________________________________________________________________


A YELLOW JACKET IS A WASP, NOT A BEE, AS THE FOOLISH MERWIN 
FAILED TO POINT OUT, AND THIS PROVES ANOTHER SUBJECT THAT HE 
KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT. AND SINCE WASPS AND HORNETS DO NOT LOSE 
THEIR STINGERS WHEN ATTACKING, IT IS NOT A STING FROM A WASP OR 
A HORNET, BUT A BEE. WHEN A BEE STINGS, THERE WILL BE A POISON 
SAC ABOVE THE STINGER, AND BOTH NEED TO COME OUT. A MAGNIFYING 
GLASS, AND A PAIR OF NAIL CLIPPERS SHOULD WORK FINE.

P.S. THIS INFORMATION CAN BE LOOKED UP ON THE INTERNET....BUT 
I'M SURE THAT YOU OR MERWIN WILL DO NEITHER, SINCE DOING THAT 
MIGHT SHOW YOU THAT YOU ARE WRONG, AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT, CAN 
WE?

If that hornet stinger STILL hanging out in your foot then you 
are one FIRST-CLASS IDIOT!!
LOL!!

Thank you for clearing that bee vs. wasp matter up, Cliff Claven!

Only Queen x would have to look up how to take care of a sting 
on the internet!!! ROTFLMAO!!! And of coarse the idiot can't 
figure out that the stinger might work its way into the skin!! 
Also as usual he is too stupid to notice that I clearly 
distinguised bees from wasps (yellowjackets)[like a yellow 
jacket or other bees.]. WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT!! But we all know 
his solution to the problem;
Saw your fuckin foot off and shove the bloody stump up your ass. 
That should do the trick.
SO AS USUAL, queen x has opend his mouth and firmly implanted 
his foot!! LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!LOL!!

only queen x would use NAIL CLIPPERS to remove a stinger!! WHAT 
A FUCKING IDIOT, I am sure his little cyber world told him to do 
it that way as the MORON wouldn't know jack shit with out his 
little cumpaq!!! LOL!! !! !!  

And yes a yellow jacket can loose it's stinger if you step on 
it. It however isn't normal for that to happen and yellow 
jackets don't die after a sting like other bees. 

STICK TO YOUR SHITTALK QUEEN X! IT'S the ONLY thing you know!! 
LOL!!LLLLL!!LLLL!LLLL!!LL!LL!!LL!L!L!L!L!L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You might try tweezers...don't you think? as NAIL CLIPPERS WOULD 
JUST CUT IT OFF AND LEAVE THE POISON SACK INSIDE!!
>>>>>>>>>YOU FUCKING IDIOT<<<<<<<<<<<<<

*whew* I needed a good laugh, always can count on queen x for 
that!! LOL!! !! !! !! 

Another good laugh - if true. It is being widely reported this 
fine morning that Saddam's two shithead punk boys have been 
killed or captured in a raid on a house in Iraq.

Right. I'm off to that shopping mall/catwalk again and I will 
not write you out no check/cheque!!
Lol!!
C Ya fuckers!

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Saddam Hussein's sons, Uday and Qusay, could 
have been killed in a firefight with U.S. troops in northern 
Iraq, U.S. government officials said Tuesday. 

An official said they are "reasonably certain" that the two 
sons -- key members of Saddam's regime -- were among four people 
killed during the gun battle. 

U.S. troops were involved in an intense firefight in the 
northern Iraqi city of Mosul earlier Tuesday. A U.S. official 
said two of those killed in the attack "could be" Qusay and 
Uday, whom recent intelligence reports indicated were in the 
Mosul area recently. 

"We are reasonably certain they could have met their maker," one 
U.S. official told CNN. "We didn't just stumble across them." 

Two hundred members of the 101st Airborne Division were involved 
in the assault, and no one was captured, a U.S. official told 
CNN Pentagon Correspondent Barbara Starr. Further details were 
expected shortly. 

Military sources in Baghdad said the bodies were those of high-
ranking allies of Saddam. 

A U.S. official said, there were "indicators" that "prominent 
figures," possibly Uday and Qusay Hussein, were in the area. 

The military went in and engaged in a "big firefight," the 
official said. "We have bodies that could very well be them," 
said the U.S. official. 

In all, four people were killed in the firefight. The official 
said Saddam Hussein was not among them. 

Both in deck of cards 

Both Uday and Qusay are in the playing card deck of most wanted 
Iraqis issued to U.S. troops in Iraq. Uday is the Ace of Hearts 
and Qusay the Ace of Clubs 

Qusay is the son widely perceived as most likely to succeed 
Saddam. 

As Iraq prepared its defenses in the run-up to the Second Gulf 
War, Qusay was put in charge of four key areas including Baghdad 
and Tikrit   the family's tribal home. 

When the war began he was in charge of the country's vast 
intelligence network, the 80,000-strong Republican Guard and 
15,000-member Special Republican Guard, who were charged with 
protecting Saddam and his family. 

Uday has a reputation for violence that includes torturing Iraqi 
athletes who do not meet expectations. He also ran the dreaded 
Saddam Fedayeen security force. 

He was also in charge of the nation's Olympic committee, edited 
a leading newspaper, Babel, and head of Youth TV, the country's 
most popular channel. 

Just before the second Gulf War, Uday warned Iraqi troops would 
make the mothers of U.S. soldiers "weep blood instead of tears." 

LOL!! yes I saw that! Sadman Insane is slowly sucking eggs as we 
narrow his life down to his "home town" LOL!! That BRAVE leader 
is of coarse the one who will hide in a hole and COWER in fear 
while his sons get the heat and die!! LOL!! We just have to 
watch the local stores to see when someone (Saddam) orders a 
burka in 4x! LOL! and of coarse we will hear all about the real 
shittalk story from the known COWARD queen x 
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Qusay is the son widely perceived as most likely to succeed 
Saddam. 
__________________________________
CORRECTION;
Qusay WAS the son widely perceived as most likely to succeed 
Saddam. 

A YELLOW JACKET IS A WASP, NOT A BEE, AS THE FOOLISH MERWIN 
FAILED TO POINT OUT, AND THIS PROVES ANOTHER SUBJECT THAT HE 
KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT. AND SINCE WASPS AND HORNETS DO NOT LOSE 
THEIR STINGERS WHEN ATTACKING, IT IS NOT A STING FROM A WASP OR 
A HORNET, BUT A BEE. WHEN A BEE STINGS, THERE WILL BE A POISON 
SAC ABOVE THE STINGER, AND BOTH NEED TO COME OUT. A MAGNIFYING 
GLASS, AND A PAIR OF NAIL CLIPPERS SHOULD WORK FINE.

P.S. THIS INFORMATION CAN BE LOOKED UP ON THE INTERNET....BUT 
I'M SURE THAT YOU OR MERWIN WILL DO NEITHER, SINCE DOING THAT 
MIGHT SHOW YOU THAT YOU ARE WRONG, AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT, CAN 
WE?


MERWIN THE MORON: And yes a yellow jacket can loose it's stinger 
if you step on 
it. It however isn't normal for that to happen and yellow 
jackets don't die after a sting like other bees.


YELLOW JACKETS ARE NOT BEES, BUT WASPS.
ONCE AGAIN, MERWIN SHOWS HE KNOWS NOTHING. 

Cliff Claven Trivia


Things you just needed to know: 

An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain. 
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. 
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. 
It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. 
The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling 
out of its mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out 
all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back 
down again. 
White Out was invented by the mother of Mike Nesmith (formerly 
of the Monkees). 
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak. 
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a 
building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving 
than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly 
takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is 
occurring, relax, and correct itself. 
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks 
otherwise it will digest itself. 
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney 
cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't 
die throughout the movie. 
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the 
left hand. 
A whale's penis is called a dork. 
To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into 
its eyeballs-it will let you go instantly. 
Reindeer like to eat bananas. 
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front 
legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one 
front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds 
received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the 
ground, the person died of natural causes. 
No words in the English language rhyme with month, orange, 
silver, and purple. 
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 
4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed 
on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years 
later. 
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English 
language. 
The most common name in the world is Mohammed. 
The word "samba" means "to rub navels together." 
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots. 
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World 
War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo. 
In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again, Sam." 
Sherlock Holmes never said "Elementary, my dear Watson." 
More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air 
crashes. 
A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. 
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes 
them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. 
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. 
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law 
which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything 
wider than your thumb. 

If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5000 
times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it 
ends up on the bottom.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher. 

The longest word in the English language, according to the 
Oxford English Dictionary, is 
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis The only other 
word with the same amount of letters is 
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses its plural.

Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are 
the largest anagrams.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Se ora la Reina 
de los Angeles de Porciuncula."

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local 
pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one 
flavor: Mint Oreo.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty 
Rubble's maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses 
II who fathered over 168 children.

If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, they need 
gravity to swallow.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are 
registered blood donors.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 38 minutes. 

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after 
Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A 
Wonderful Life".

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. 
The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is 
dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to 
dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the 
stomach back down again.

Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when 
they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern 
military salute.

Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an 
Oscar with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six 
minutes.

Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his 
famous transatlantic flight.

Goethe couldn't stand the sound of barking dogs and could only 
write if he had an apple rotting in the drawer of his desk.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front 
legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one 
front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds 
received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the 
ground, the person died of natural causes.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law 
which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything 
wider than your thumb.

101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney 
cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't 
die throughout the movie. 

'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the 
left hand on the QWERTY keyboard.

The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover 
Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.

A whale's penis is called a dork.

Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all 
the same sex. 

Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get 
leprosy.

To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into 
its eyeballs -- it will let you go instantly.

Reindeer like to eat bananas.

A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink."
A group of frogs is called an army.
A group of rhinos is called a crash.
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
A group of whales is called a pod.
A group of geese is called a gaggle.
A group of ravens is called a murder.
A group of officers is called a mess.
A group of larks is called an exaltation.
A group of owls is called a parliament.

Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known 
as quarks for a random line in James Joyce, "Three quarks for 
Muster Mark!"

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/18 of a calorie.

The phrase "sleep tight" derives from the fact that early 
mattresses were filled with straw and held up with rope 
stretched across the bedframe. A tight sleep was a comfortable 
sleep.

"Three dog night" (attributed to Australian Aborigines) came 
about because on especially cold nights these nomadic people 
needed three dogs (dingos, actually) to keep from freezing.

Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only 
used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was 
Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas 
Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their 
radio's n